It seems my go has a formula that never seems to fail: two steps forward, one step back. I feel as I've realized something, only my realization is that I don't understand anything.
Life is the same.
However, everything has seemed much clearer as of late. Instead of staring into vast nothingness, I can see glimmers of light poking through, both in go and my life.
My lack of updates is of course to be expected, having started a new working career at a supermarket. Everything has gone extremely well: after four weeks I was given my first raise - a paltry $0.25, but a raise nonetheless - and am currently being considered for a promotion. I've never been so happy.
But with highs, there must always be lows.
Now I've begun to contemplate what it is I want to do and what it is I have to do. With school rearing it's ugly head, and school payments rearing an even more petrifying figure, I've come to a crossroads: what will I be doing in nine months?
I'm, cross your fingers, graduating in May next year. I will have a degree, but my plan was to not have a simple associates degree. I was planning to transfer and move on to greener pastures; earn a bachelor's at a four-year school and begin my real working life then.
Now I'm considering whether or not I want to do that at all.
I love writing, obviously, and of course I want to pursue it as a lifegiver and a lifebringer, but I am being offered a great opportunity by a first-rate company who have been known to give back to their community.
Perhaps I'm overthinking. I have a knack of recalculating every step of the way - the same on the goban. If I hane here, it's the difference of one point, but I'm behind by three. Do I take the risk?
Well, do I?...
*************************************
In other news, I visited the Fort Lee Baduk salon for the first time since I began working. I was glad to see some familiar faces. There's a player I play on two stones who I haven't beaten yet (two games, lost the first by nine points and the second (today) by five). I played a new face I hadn't seen before on four stones and won comfortably. I also played Master Song and won quite handily by twenty points, my largest margin of victory against him. Perhaps I can convince him to let me put down only six next time...
Saturday, August 20, 2011
Monday, July 4, 2011
Being thankful for what you do and don't have
Every week I see my father, usually on Saturdays or possibly a Sunday; whenever both of us are available. We make it a priority to meet at least once a week. This past week I spent the entire day with him instead of the usual few hours.
It was a beautiful time. It had been a long while since I've been able to spend so rich a time with him. I say rich in the sense that the time itself was rich and not the monetary value spent upon it.
My father is a firm believer in having a good time in some way. That is to say, he doesn't believe that people experience pleasure from simply having and spending money. He believes people can enjoy a home cooked meal as much as a seven day cruise navigating the Mediterranean.
Sharing these moments and memories with him are extremely important to me. I have seen many times in my own life sons and fathers with absolutely no connection between each other. Just two men, or two boys, depending on the situation and maturation level, coinciding with one another in an existence that is often in turmoil or simply idling; slowly dying.
I am forever grateful to have the relationship I have with my father because I always learn something from him every time we talk.
• • •
He called upon me as we sat in his house, beginning to prepare dinner. We had brunch at midday and were a bit hungry now that it was getting into the evening hours.
An eternal jester, he always finds a way to weave a humorous joke into his social commentaries. This time he was telling me how much women love a man who could cook.
He showed me how to make tomato salad and how to season lamb kebab.
His lessons are very much patterned in the same way Hemingway wrote; he only tells me 1/8th of what he wants to, allowing me to pry on my own time to find the other 7/8ths of the truth.
I don't consider myself to be all-knowing, but I can pick up on the implicit quite quick. It wasn't about the salad. It wasn't about the seasoning. It was about acquiring necessary abilities and building a foundation upon which I could fall back if need be. It was all about preparation. It is always about preparation.
• • •
I am someone who is eternally happy with what I have. I would like to wear designer clothes, but I am perfectly fine with $10 t-shirts and $15 jeans; I would like to drive a convertible with 300 horsepower, but I am perfectly fine with my 1997 Ford Taurus; I would like to eat filet mignon and caviar, but I'm perfectly fine with the hot plate of food that is available to me that night.
I know there are places where someone would like to wear $10 t-shirts, but can only afford a rag handed down from an older sibling; where they would like to drive a 1997 Ford Taurus, but have only a beat-up Volkswagen Beetle from the 70s that may only take them down the street, should it start up; where they would like to eat a hot plate of something, but have only a handful of leftovers from the week before.
That is why I am always happy and thankful for what I have. No matter how little it may seem to someone, it is always enough, and more, for me.
It was a beautiful time. It had been a long while since I've been able to spend so rich a time with him. I say rich in the sense that the time itself was rich and not the monetary value spent upon it.
My father is a firm believer in having a good time in some way. That is to say, he doesn't believe that people experience pleasure from simply having and spending money. He believes people can enjoy a home cooked meal as much as a seven day cruise navigating the Mediterranean.
Sharing these moments and memories with him are extremely important to me. I have seen many times in my own life sons and fathers with absolutely no connection between each other. Just two men, or two boys, depending on the situation and maturation level, coinciding with one another in an existence that is often in turmoil or simply idling; slowly dying.
I am forever grateful to have the relationship I have with my father because I always learn something from him every time we talk.
• • •
He called upon me as we sat in his house, beginning to prepare dinner. We had brunch at midday and were a bit hungry now that it was getting into the evening hours.
An eternal jester, he always finds a way to weave a humorous joke into his social commentaries. This time he was telling me how much women love a man who could cook.
He showed me how to make tomato salad and how to season lamb kebab.
His lessons are very much patterned in the same way Hemingway wrote; he only tells me 1/8th of what he wants to, allowing me to pry on my own time to find the other 7/8ths of the truth.
I don't consider myself to be all-knowing, but I can pick up on the implicit quite quick. It wasn't about the salad. It wasn't about the seasoning. It was about acquiring necessary abilities and building a foundation upon which I could fall back if need be. It was all about preparation. It is always about preparation.
• • •
I am someone who is eternally happy with what I have. I would like to wear designer clothes, but I am perfectly fine with $10 t-shirts and $15 jeans; I would like to drive a convertible with 300 horsepower, but I am perfectly fine with my 1997 Ford Taurus; I would like to eat filet mignon and caviar, but I'm perfectly fine with the hot plate of food that is available to me that night.
I know there are places where someone would like to wear $10 t-shirts, but can only afford a rag handed down from an older sibling; where they would like to drive a 1997 Ford Taurus, but have only a beat-up Volkswagen Beetle from the 70s that may only take them down the street, should it start up; where they would like to eat a hot plate of something, but have only a handful of leftovers from the week before.
That is why I am always happy and thankful for what I have. No matter how little it may seem to someone, it is always enough, and more, for me.
Friday, July 1, 2011
Making friends (and rivals?)...
I visited the club again today and was given another warm welcome. As soon as I walked in the door they began waving and calling me over. The manager set me up with a player I hadn't seen yesterday. I walked around, checking out the game of the 1 geup I played the day before. He earnestly offered me a game, but I begrudgingly had to turn him down as I had a previous arrangement with the other player.
As I sat down, the manager told my opponent, Adam, to put down four stones. I was a bit surprised; I didn't want them overestimating my actual ability. Nevertheless, I won the first game by nine points. The second game finished much sooner, as he made a very elementary mistake that allowed me to kill his group (or how 95% of my games end up; my opponent making a mistake).
I felt great having won two games, but that natural high wouldn't last long. Without even being able to stand up and stretch, the manager sat down and told me to put down four stones! I wasn't sure exactly what strength he was, but seeing as to how I was given four stones, I'd venture to guess he's a 2 geup. All I knew about him from the other players was that he was an attacker; but then again, what Korean isn't?
Maybe it was my previous games that gave me an air of confidence, but I played very aggressively against the manager, something I don't tend to do against strong players. Unfortunately, he lived up to his style and easily destroyed me in the first game. However, I hunkered down and cleared my head as he went to have a smoke. The second game started a few minutes later.
I continued attacking him as strong as I could, and the game remained relatively even entering the early stages of the middle game. Then came what I could proudly say was my finest hour. All six of the players at the salon at the time huddled around our table. He started a ko in the lower right corner of the board and was using the boundless threats he had in the lower left to try and kill my large group in the bottom of the board.
However, I used the ko to my advantage. With the threats, I cut off a large group of his (the one he was trying to kill me with) in exchange for giving up the left corner. When I made the exchange, the crowd responded positively in my favor, with one of them saying, "nice job!"
Indeed I felt good until the scoring phase. It was then I found out I had lost by a single point. A soul-crushing point that I could have easily overturned had I not made one slack move amongst the twenty good yose moves. Alas, that is baduk...
As I sat down, the manager told my opponent, Adam, to put down four stones. I was a bit surprised; I didn't want them overestimating my actual ability. Nevertheless, I won the first game by nine points. The second game finished much sooner, as he made a very elementary mistake that allowed me to kill his group (or how 95% of my games end up; my opponent making a mistake).
I felt great having won two games, but that natural high wouldn't last long. Without even being able to stand up and stretch, the manager sat down and told me to put down four stones! I wasn't sure exactly what strength he was, but seeing as to how I was given four stones, I'd venture to guess he's a 2 geup. All I knew about him from the other players was that he was an attacker; but then again, what Korean isn't?
Maybe it was my previous games that gave me an air of confidence, but I played very aggressively against the manager, something I don't tend to do against strong players. Unfortunately, he lived up to his style and easily destroyed me in the first game. However, I hunkered down and cleared my head as he went to have a smoke. The second game started a few minutes later.
I continued attacking him as strong as I could, and the game remained relatively even entering the early stages of the middle game. Then came what I could proudly say was my finest hour. All six of the players at the salon at the time huddled around our table. He started a ko in the lower right corner of the board and was using the boundless threats he had in the lower left to try and kill my large group in the bottom of the board.
However, I used the ko to my advantage. With the threats, I cut off a large group of his (the one he was trying to kill me with) in exchange for giving up the left corner. When I made the exchange, the crowd responded positively in my favor, with one of them saying, "nice job!"
Indeed I felt good until the scoring phase. It was then I found out I had lost by a single point. A soul-crushing point that I could have easily overturned had I not made one slack move amongst the twenty good yose moves. Alas, that is baduk...
Thursday, June 30, 2011
6 geup!
I spent the last few hours at Fort Lee Baduk, a cozy baduk salon located on the ever-busy Main Street of Fort Lee. The manager was very welcoming and I was immediately set up to play against a 1 geup. I told him I was 8 geup and was promptly given seven stones. I had expected a colder welcoming, but the players at the salon couldn't be nicer.
There were a couple of other games going on at the time, and spectators would hover from table to table glancing at positions. I started out quite well against my opponent. For most of the game I kept calm and collected, as did my opponent. I was impressed with his ability to play so calmly and serenely; perhaps I was expecting a sharper bite?
I missed a few tesujis and he quickly erased my 20 point lead near the end of the middle game. I was comfortable with 80% of my yose; it was very solid, but I missed a few of his reductions. I split two of his groups and attacked both as strong as I could, but he easily deflected my attacks and made life.
They were a bit surprised I didn't know how to count up the board at the end of the game. I said I had only played online, which prompted a 6 geup to comment almost boisterously, "how do you count online?".
It was clear I had won; I knew I was leading the whole time, but I didn't expect to win by a paltry two points. My opponent praised my ability and said I was 6 geup in strength. I was then set up with the aforementioned 6 geup.
Opening with my favorite fuseki, the Kobayashi, I fell behind early on. He stumbled in a position on the top of the board, seemingly making a misread. He missed a net that gained me six points and the game felt even from the early yose on. Perhaps he was taking it a bit easy on me? It certainly felt that way in the second game, where I resigned early on.
He was generous enough to show me how to count at the end. We both ended up with 53 points each, but seeing as to how it was an even game with full komi, I lost by 6.5 points.
After the second game, I began conversing with the owner of the salon, Brian. We had a fruitful conversation, talking about baduk and the relationship between Turkey and Korea (I had worn my Turkey soccer jersey).
All in all it was a really great time. I was challenged by the "Snake" and will play him tomorrow. Hopefully I won't be embarrassed. In the meantime I will try to finish the third LCH book.
Hopefully with their help I can reach my next goal of 1k by the end of July...
July 1st - 2k - DONE!
August 1st - 1k - ...
September 1st - 1d - ....
There were a couple of other games going on at the time, and spectators would hover from table to table glancing at positions. I started out quite well against my opponent. For most of the game I kept calm and collected, as did my opponent. I was impressed with his ability to play so calmly and serenely; perhaps I was expecting a sharper bite?
I missed a few tesujis and he quickly erased my 20 point lead near the end of the middle game. I was comfortable with 80% of my yose; it was very solid, but I missed a few of his reductions. I split two of his groups and attacked both as strong as I could, but he easily deflected my attacks and made life.
They were a bit surprised I didn't know how to count up the board at the end of the game. I said I had only played online, which prompted a 6 geup to comment almost boisterously, "how do you count online?".
It was clear I had won; I knew I was leading the whole time, but I didn't expect to win by a paltry two points. My opponent praised my ability and said I was 6 geup in strength. I was then set up with the aforementioned 6 geup.
Opening with my favorite fuseki, the Kobayashi, I fell behind early on. He stumbled in a position on the top of the board, seemingly making a misread. He missed a net that gained me six points and the game felt even from the early yose on. Perhaps he was taking it a bit easy on me? It certainly felt that way in the second game, where I resigned early on.
He was generous enough to show me how to count at the end. We both ended up with 53 points each, but seeing as to how it was an even game with full komi, I lost by 6.5 points.
After the second game, I began conversing with the owner of the salon, Brian. We had a fruitful conversation, talking about baduk and the relationship between Turkey and Korea (I had worn my Turkey soccer jersey).
All in all it was a really great time. I was challenged by the "Snake" and will play him tomorrow. Hopefully I won't be embarrassed. In the meantime I will try to finish the third LCH book.
Hopefully with their help I can reach my next goal of 1k by the end of July...
July 1st - 2k - DONE!
August 1st - 1k - ...
September 1st - 1d - ....
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